


— Lonely

by mcgumii



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Why do I do this to myself, don't know why i wrote this but yeah, i didn't realize it was this short bye, maybe i'll turn this into a series idk, no happy ending for now, onesided kinda, renga, renga angst, renga canon when??, self doubt, self hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29802708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgumii/pseuds/mcgumii
Summary: Reki and his million questions on what he and Langa has, or had.
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	— Lonely

Langa Hasegawa walked in the classroom, getting greeted by his classmates. He glanced at his bestfriend, Reki Kyan, staring out the window while sitting down on his seat, which was beside his.  
  
"Morning, Reki." the snowy haired skater greeted as he slid down on his seat. 

"Hey." was all the reply he got, Reki not even glancing at him.  
Not wanting to end that conversation right then and there, he continued talking.  
  
"I made it past the qualifiers," he stated with a grin on his face.  
  
Reki paused for a bit, letting out a small 'hm' before muttering, loud enough for Langa to hear. "It's got nothing to do with me though."

Langa frowned, looking away. He remembered the argument they had. Man, that wasn't fun at all. Could Reki be avoiding him? He probably just didn't want to make eye contact or engage in a conversation at all....  
  
Langa couldn't blame him though.  
  
He broke their promise.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Reki gazed at their reflections on the window. Everything hurted. It hurted so bad.  
  
A million thoughts crowded his mind, most of them were questions. Questions of why and when.  
  
Why? Why would Langa break their promise like that? He thought Langa was a friend he could always count on and trust.  
  
Why? Why would Langa choose Adam over him? He really thought he meant something to Langa. Perhaps that was stupid. Of course it was. Reki means nothing to Langa. Not when their gap is so big. Not when Reki's just a mere nothing.  
  
When? When did the gap get so big? He could remember. Just a few months ago he was just teaching Langa to not fall off his skateboard. Teaching him the basics. But now.... he's so far away.  
  
When? When did this all happen? When did he start to lose himself? He should be happy for Langa... maybe he's just a stupid selfish idiot who wants so much for himself.  
  
Why? Why did Langa mean so much to him? Why does Langa _still_ mean so much to him? He isn't used to this feeling. And it hurted. He wants to walk away. Leave everything behind. But he can't. He can't let go. He can't let go of skating. He can't let go of S. He can't let go of _Langa._  
  
It pains him. He wants it all to end already. The feelings he has for Langa? He doesn't even know what they are anymore. He wants it to end. Please. _Please,_ let it end already.  
  
What is he to Langa? To Langa, does he mean as much as Langa means to Reki? _Has he ever meant something at all to Langa?_  
  
Stupid questions. Questions he already knew the answers to.  
  
What does he mean to Langa? Short answer; _nothing._ He never meant anything, nor will he ever mean anything to Langa. Nothing. Reki's just a stupid nothing.  
  
Why would Langa break their promise? Obviously because it didn't mean anything to him. Promises are just words. Plain old words. Plain old _lies_. Lies that'll go on and hurt you forever.  
  
Why would Langa choose Adam over him? A better question; _why not?_ Now that he thinks about it, Adam's so much better than him. Better in so many ways. That's why, Langa would never choose him. It'll always be Adam.  
  
When did the gap get so big? An answer he knew, he's always knew, but he never acknowledged; _it always had been._ Langa had always been better than him. Langa is better in all ways. In skating, in personality, in looks, in _everything._ He's amazing. Reki could never get on his level, let alone exceed him.  
  
When did this all happen? When did he start losing himself? _Hell knows._ He's just worthless for not noticing anything. Reki hates himself. He just sucks. Sucks at everything.  
  
Why does Langa mean so much to him? This, he has no answers to. He only knows that his heart plays a beat when he's around Langa. He feels his cheeks warm up when Langa smiles. When Langa's happy, it makes him happy. When Langa's happy about dangerous skating, it makes him happy, yet so _sad._ Everytime he sees someone else too close to Langa, someone like Adam, sometimes he has the urge to punch them. Maybe he liked Langa... Probably not. He knew love can be between all genders but, him with Langa? No, no it can't be.  
  
Reki once again glanced at their reflections, noticing a sad look on Langa's face. Yet he says nothing. Why should he? He was in no place to do that. And perhaps it sounds selfish, but he kind of wished Langa would care for him too.  
  
Will the pain ever stop? He doesn't know. He doesn't know anymore. He can't do this. He just can't.  
  
School ended somewhat soon, or maybe he was just drifting in his own thoughts and not realizing how much time passed by. Usually walking home with Langa, today he went alone. Well, he has been alone for a few days now, he supposes. But he can't help but miss Langa.. then again, it doesn't matter. How he feels doesn't matter anymore.  
  
A soft breeze blowing through his hair, he gazed at Langa, talking with their classmates. A sad, _lonely_ gaze. Reki let out a small breathe of air, walking slowly towards his home ~~(where he can break down without anyone interrupting)~~.  
  
As he walks, sometimes he'd look back at Langa. And the more he does, the more it hurts. The more he does, the more he realizes. _He loved him_.  
  
And when he realized, rain poured ever so slightly, along to the melody of his tears. Falling for Langa huh? That's not what he thought would happen. Well, sucks for him. In the end, he knew;  
  
He'll love. And he'll love, _alone._


End file.
